why does this shit always happen to me. i’m losing everyone. 

i think i have feelings for richard. i’ve been thinking about it for the past two weeks. ever since i got my phone taken, he’s the one i miss talking to the most. i’m so fucking stupid for selling him short when my parents found out. i should’ve just blamed it on someone irrelevant like devin or something i dont even know. i’ll figure something out. but yeah. he’s my best friend, i think i tell him more than i tell chris now.. and he’s so beautiful and funny. i love being around him, i feel so happy. and last night i was telling him about how suicidal i was feeling and he made me feel better and he reminded me that he loves me and that i was beautiful. he literally called me gorgeous, i teared up. and this anon was messaging me and was like ‘why do i love you so much” “someone has feelings for you” and the second i started messaging richard the anon stopped..so im pretty sure it was him… ugh if he likes me back i’ll be so happy. but sad too cause he wont even be at pc next year:( and i’ll have to figure out a way to get around my parents. idunno idunno i dont wanna get obsessive like i always do. i dont want to ruin what i have with him, because i only have three more weeks with him.. merrrr this shit always happens to me. but maybe i’ll latch on to the happiness he gives me while i can.

so tonight i had to work with carson instead of danny cause danny had a birthday thing. which was fine, i dont mind working with her. but she took like 3 breaks and didn’t help when it was busy. AND THEN brandon came in with fucking j a r e d and it was fine i helped them and jared was lookin cute as always and as they were leaving i was like lol carson that’s jared and she was like WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT and ran over to him and started fucking talking to him about me and about us IN FRONT OF DUNKN CUSTOMERS AND FUCKING BRANDON like what the fuck. i was so upset i called nicole crying i the back like what the fuck you don’t actually do that i would never do that to her i’m so fucking pissed. she literally just ruined me and jareds relationship and she was fucking laughing the whole time. i hate her. she’s  a psycho bitch.

i just fucking relapsed. are you kidding me.

officially two months clean