dear devin.

this is a private blog and I would really appreciate it if you don't snoop around hello! theme by cissysaurus
07
01

update

okay well florida was great. it was nice to get away from north carolina. and i loved going to universal and riding coasters and all that. i was sick of hannah about halfway through the week and it hasnt been the same since, but she’s still my bff. and i didnt get as tan as i wanted but oh well.

wisdom teeth went great! im having a really good recovery. i just miss food a lot. i think tonight is the first night we’re gonna go out and try to eat. but yeah im doin well having a speedy recovery and not all that painful im really thankful actually.

boys? uh richard is gone at camp for three weeks. my ex garrett friended me on facebook and texted me haha. he’s still as off hill as ever, poor kid. my two months with abram is coming up hehe. god he gets more perfect every day. yesterday he came and brought me mashed potatoes and he kissed me and cuddled me while i had no make up on. and he still called me pretty. like what the hell man this kid just came out of nowhere and stole my heart. i cant imagine being without him now. and my mom makes it difficult and college will too but i honestly think that we’ll make it. he’s worth it.. so worth it.

yeah life is actually pretty good. i dont want summer to end or for college to come but at the same time im ready to be in charlotte and start my life. its weird, this summer is crazy.

oh and im 412 days clean, almost at the lucky 420(; man im proud of myself. 

06
14

not really an update i just need to fucking vent.

okay this isnt really why im here but why is post concert depression a thing. fucking daily. DAILY. i think about blackbear and mod sun. how happy meeting them made me, how happy they are being successful. they dont even remember me.. i was just another face in the crowd to them. but getting a picture with them, hugging them and seeing their smile. they were so perfect. im in love with both of them and its horrid. i just sit here and listen to blackbear and read mod’s book and i just want to cry. im on the verge of tears right now. they both so fucking perfect and it kills me. i need them and they’ll never have any idea. what the hell is wrong with me. AND THEY WERENT EVEN THE MAIN ACT T MILLS WAS AND I DONT GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT HIM RIGHT NOW LIKE WHAT THE FUCK

also. my dad broke my computer. and i cant download any new music like i used to be able to. and i need like 500 songs cause we’re going to florida for a week and a half tomorrow and my music is the only shit i have to keep me any form of sane so far away from home. so props to my dad being the one to make me feel like hell again. over a damn computer. lol once again what is wrong with me. im crying over illegal music. im so fucked up jesus. still blaming my dad though.

fuck i just want to sleep in abrams arms and not wake up for awhile. my head just needs to be cleared. 

06
04

update

i can’t even begin to say how much has happened in the past two months. i don’t really know why i havent been on here, ive opened it and never written anything numerous times. hopefully i’ll keep it updated now that i’m on summer break.

okay first off, i am 384 days clean. i totally missed my one year and marking it and celebrating it. but hey i can celebrate now! im almost at 13 months, thats crazy. i really never thought i would see myself reaching a year. temptations are definitely still there, and there’s no doubt that if i got the chance to put a bullet through my skull i’d take it. but i really am happier, im stronger, im better. im proud of myself. i just hope i can stay this way into college.

college. i have a roommate, shes so cute! we’re gonna be really close i already know it. we have a really shit housing assignment but thats okay i hope we can make the best of it. but im really excited. graduation is in a few days and then i have orientation right after. it’ll be a blast, im so ready to shed my catamount skin and become a 49ner :)

other news, im getting my widsom teeth out soon, im going to florida for a week and taking hannah with me, I WON FUCKIN PROM QUEEN GET TURNT uhh. yeah.

okay boy time. april 16th i told abram that i wanted to be with him. and things have been flawless since. im falling for him ten times harder than ive fallen for anyone else. he’s absolutely perfect. our official one month is on thursday, but it feels like we havent even broken up since middle school. he just makes me so fucking happy. its been complicated cause i cant tell my parents cause they think he isnt mentally stable enough, which i understand but i know he’s strong enough for this. but i plan on staying with him. through summer, through college. he’s all i want and more, theres no one better. we’re made for each other, and im so glad i realized that. 

so yeah life is good right now. im sure something will happen and it’ll be fucked again but oh well haha. im happy, im clean, im ready to face the real world. things are good.

04
13

update

301 days. i cannot believe i’ve made it to over 300. it seems impossible, but here i am… how crazy.

uhh few updates: i went to asking alexandria march 18th, geazy march 31st, t mills mod sun and blackbear on april 1st. all great shows, all great times. t mills was one of the best shows ive been to in my entire life. i cant wait for him to come back to nc.

im officially going to charlotte for college. im more than excited, now that ive made a choice i just wanna get there as fast as i can. but i have to pass precalc first haha.

im not friends with zach anymore LOL. he was just too much of a bitch for me. also i’m on prom court :) and prom is in two weeks so im super excited about that.

boys:

im done with richard. hes too much of a slut for me. im still going to prom with him because we’ll have a blast. but he’ll never be more than a hook up for me, which kind of sucks. but hes going to wilmington so im sure after summer we wont even remember each other.

abram.. oh boy. i dont even know where to start honestly. i gave him mod suns book for his birthday. and after he read it he said he learned a lot about himself and his relationship with me. and we were good i guess. we were trying to be friends but idunno it was tense. and then this past thursday we went to the canes game together. it was so fun, im so glad he took me. i just felt so comfortable with him, things are so easy. i wanted it to be a date, and if i told him that he probably wouldve said the same. but yesterday he was telling me how he’s accepted the fact that we cant be together. which i dont know if its true. cause i want to be with him, to work on us. but prom and summer and going to college i just dont see it working out. i just need advice. i dont want to keep dragging him on or me on. its just confusing, as usual.

04
13

b-a-b-y-m-a-m-a asked - "How would you describe love?"

tasnimsmentalroadtrip:

Love is destruction. You destroy all that you know to delve into something you have barely any control over. Love is risk taking. It’s trust. It’s honesty. It’s compromise. It’s everything you’re afraid of but know you deserve. It’s religion. It’s power. It’s magic. But more than anything, it’s destruction.

04
13
04
13
04
13
04
13
themindofajoseph:

State Champs - Critical
04
13

"How to kill someone;
Hold their hand and then never touch their skin again,
See them nearly everyday and pretend they don’t exist,
Act like everything you ever said to them was a lie."

- Was this your plan all along?  (via thewastedgeneration)

(Source: iclungtoy0u)