it has been one of my greatest dreams to beat the living shit out of something at least once so god fucking help anybody that ever tries to assault me because i will be brimming with every violent urge that i have ever tucked away in my entire life
269 days clean.
feels weird how close to a year i am. just less than 100 days away. i’m also surprised i’ve been able to stay clean this long. especially with this shitty year.
a boy from my school named josh killed himself last friday. i never met him or knew him, but a lot of my friends did. i feel terrible, i feel like i shouldve done something. at least he’s in a better place.
school sucks. i can never stay awake and im doing terrible in a majority of my classes. i just want to give up.
okay boy time. so about two or so weeks ago i went to lunch with abram. it was great! we got qudoba and caught up and talked about music and stuff. and we’ve been getting super close lately. i’ve been indulging in memory lane a little. remembering how good he was to me and how happy i know he’d make me now a days. and this past saturday he told me he still loves me. he went like all out, straight told me everything.
this past saturday i also hung out with richard. things have been marvelous with him. we went to the mall to get his tie for prom. and when i took him home he kissed me. something i’ve been waiting for for a year. it was nothing less than perfect.
monday i told abram about richard. i told him i still love him, that ive always loved him. but i cant be with him because of richard. it hurt me so much to hurt abram like i have before. he had his hopes up about us, hell i did too. it was god awful.
also yesterday, richard told me he promised his best friend at woods he’d go with her if she didnt have a date. keep in mind this girl wants richard so bad she’d fight me for him. and he’s ditching me to go with her. so now i’m down one prom. and my mom hates richard for doing that to me.
and i hate myself right now because if things dont fucking work out with richard i broke abrams heart for nothing. i gave the one guy i’ve always loved for nothing. idunno. i hope in the next week shit gets figured out or i’m screwed for life. i just wish shit would work out for me for once.
my life went from perfect to shit in three days. three fucking days.
Jonathan, 55: There is no such thing as “the only one”. You will meet lots of “the ones”. Only commit when the timing is right for the both of you – that can take years for some, and that’s okay.
Miranda, 24: Drop pre-med.
Isaac, 48: Deodorant does not count as a shower, and that haircut only looked good on Bon Jovi.
Anya, 42: Make the conscious decision to be happy, and then stick with it. Society will do everything in its power to convince you that your personal happiness is dependent on something external – beauty, success, wealth, etc. – it isn’t.
Parker, 55: 60% of the things you think are important now won’t matter a whit to you by the time you reach 50. The trick is to figure out the important 40% and work it.
Megan, 34: He doesn’t love you, and you will be okay.
Peter, 58: Don’t let anything stand in your way of taking part (or all) of your junior year abroad. You’ll never again have quite the same opportunity to experience a foreign land, for an extended period of time, in your youth. It is destined to be one of the most memorable aspects of your life.
Eleanor, 67: Talk less. Listen more.
Donald, 27: There’s a huge difference between who you want to be and who everyone around you wants you to be. Figure out which is which.
Camille, 56: Always remember: when falling off a horse, pull your tongue in.
Jackson, 57: No one knows anything for sure. They’re all just doing the best they can with what they have, just like you.
Vicki, 47: You’ll never have all the answers, so make every question count.
Donald, 38: You don’t have to grow up to be the dad you never had.
Katelyn, 30: Make the most out of college. You will never again be at a place where your only goal is to learn. Learn a lot, learn often, and learn with reckless abandon.
Joshua, 55: Women love to laugh.
Annabelle, 38: Drugs are not beautiful, glamorous or opulent. They are not a remedy, a solution, a cure-all, or a cure-anything.
Colin, 50: You miss so much life when you sleep until 3 PM. Wake up to see sunrises; they are the most stunning of nature’s masterpieces.
Eleanor, 26: Eating two pints of ice cream won’t make you happy. Neither will sprinting 10 miles. Be nice to yourself.
Aaron, 52: Don’t forget to ask that girl in the Oberlin library what kind of perfume she’s wearing. You’ll buy it for her in 20 years.
Scarlett, 54: Don’t be afraid to be yourself. Those that get you will love you, those that don’t, well, their loss. Just remember: Wherever you are, it’s a party.
Zack, 9: I hope you’re awesome. And be nice to girls.
OKAY TMI WARNING I WAS IN THE SHOWER AND THE BAR OF SOAP SLIPPED AND SHOT OUT OF MY HANDS AND NAILED ME RIGHT IN THE BALLS AND I FELL OVER IN THE TUB AND COULDN’T BREATHE NEVER BELIEVE ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU MEN ARE STRONG WE ARE WEAK WEAK WEAKLINGS AND I NEED HELP